Where I Live

The Cradle of Naval Aviation

So here I am in Pensacola, Florida, home of Naval Aviation and the under-worked former college kids who are tasked with waiting around for months until their training begins. Until our recent brush with the tempest, this mostly consisted or going to the beach and hanging out. Since then, with the beach washed away, our time here consists mostly of hanging out.

Allegedly, we will all one day, they say, start our training to become Naval Aviators. Hopefully, I'll start some time before I make Lieutenant Commander. Good luck to me.

The Alabama Conspiracy

Now anyone who hasn't been here, or even people who are from Pensacola ("P'Cola" if you're cool), will tell you that Pensacola is in Florida. In fact, the license plates say Florida, the drivers' licenses say Florida, even the Post Offices say Florida. If you write me a letter and address it to Pensacola, Florida, it'll make it to me.

This is the largest conspiracy in US history.

Forget Area 51, forget the JFK assassination, forget Cal Ripken winning the MVP award in his last All-Star Game (and he hit a home run in the third inning), this is big. This is the conspiracy.

In Florida they say, the farther south you go, the more northern it seems and the farther north you go, the more it's like the south. This isn't just a metaphor, up here in the Panhandle, it's a fact. From Pensacola east to Panama City, this is Alabama.

You think I'm just saying it's like Alabama, or that it seems an awful lot like Alabama, but that is what has kept this conspiracy under wraps for over a hundred years. People just think it's figurative language, and that's how every governor of Alabama from William Wyatt Bibb to Bob Riley has controlled the Panhandle Puppet State while the governor of Florida has submitted.

The Evidence:

Vexillology

Now, aside from the cultural, environmental and economic similarities, there are several clues that, once seen, are undeniable proof of Alabama's control.

Fig. 1: The Alabama Flag
Fig. 2: The Florida Flag
Fig. 3: Confederate Naval Flag
Fig. 4: Flag of the Army of Northern Virginia

Okay, so it doesn't take a full-fledged vexillologist to figure this one out. The two flags are both based on the Spanish Burgundian Cross, also known as the Cross of Saint Andrew. This was the flag that flew over the Florida territory while Spain owned it. The same cross went on to become the basis for several Confederate flags (Figure 3). The flag of the Army of Northern Virginia (Figure 4) was the most direct influence on both state flags, because most Floridian and Alabamian (Alabamite?) troops fought in that Army.

The Florida flag was adopted in 1900, while the Alabama flag was adopted five years before. Clearly the modern Florida flag was simply the Alabama flag with a hastily sketched seal thrown on it to make sure that Florida's dependence on Alabama was at least partially concealed.

Colonialism

Fig. 4: The West Florida Republic (also called the Bonnie Blue Flag, it was later a flag of the Confederacy)

Now here's the kicker. After winning the Seven Years War (the French and Indian War), Britain gained possession of Louisiana. Florida it split into halves. East Florida was everything west of the Apalachicola River, a river about halfway up the Panhandle. West Florida extended from that river to the Mississippi and north to the 31st parallel (pretty much the current northern border of Florida). The capital of this region was Pensacola.

After the American Revolution, Florida went back to Spain and Louisiana to France. By 1810, British settlers in West Florida declared an Independent Republic of West Florida. The Republic started at the Perdido River, which forms the Florida-Alabama border.

From 1513, when the Spanish first colonized Florida, until 1802 when the US bought the Louisiana territory from France, Alabama and Florida were virtually the same place. Nothing has changed.

The US Government Knows

Okay, seems like a open-shut case, right? Well, if you aren't convinced, here's some more for you to chew on. Postal codes. The postal abbreviation for Florida is FL, while that for Alabama is AL, these abbreviations are mandated by the US Postal Service. Now, if that seems unrelated to my main point, let's look at the letter "F." The F is not so very different from an A. Simply extend the upper arm of the F and bend it down till it forms an acute angle with the leg. What do you have? That's right, an A.

Just a coincidence, you say? Well, "AL" is destined to be the abbreviation for Alabama. "AA" stands for "Anti-Aircraft," an important abbreviation useful in sending letters to military units. "AB" is the code for Alberta, Canada, so that's out. And "AM" is the abbreviation for "Amplitude Modulation," as in AM radio.

"FL" on the other hand, was adopted simply to acknowledge the servitude of the Sunshine State to the Cotton State. "FO," "FR," "FI," and "FA" could all be apt codes for Florida ("FD," clearly meaning "Fire Department."), but they are not used because the US government secretly acknowledges that much of Florida is a puppet state.

"But 'FL' is simply the abbreviation from the first two letters of the state name!" you say. "True," I say, but there's more to that than meets the eye.

Let's look at some of the other states: "GA" - Georgia (no "GE," unless you count General Electric). "KS" - Kansas. "KY" - Kentucky. "TN" - Tennessee. "TX" - Texas (there is neither a "KA" nor a "KE" nor a "TE"). "VT" - Vermont (also no "VE"). That makes 7 states without codes using their second letter where that code is not already used (i.e.: "MA" for Massachusetts makes Maryland's abbreviation "MD") or where the state is a two name state ("NC" for North Carolina).

Clearly the FL abbreviation was adopted on purpose by the US Government. The reason: Uncle Sam secretly knows of and approves of Alabama's control of the Florida panhandle.

The Chilling Conclusion

So you see, the evidence is clear. And please note, I have not even begun to refer to similarities in culture, cuisine, language, fashion, hairstyles, pastimes, and driving habits that link the Panhandle more to Alabama than to Florida. Those of you living here know the truth, those of you who deny can't hide from the truth, and hopefully you until-now misinformed folks out there see the truth. People here understand, referring to this region as "LA," a clever transposition of the aforementioned "AL," standing for "Lower Alabama.

As a final warning to you unbelievers, I wish to show you these next few images. If this doesn't convince you, nothing will. A warning to the faint of heart, the following images may be disturbing.

Fig. 5: The current Alabama State Seal
Fig. 6: Proposed changes to Alabama State Seal

Fig. 7: "Project Saint Andrew's Cross" map, obtained from Alabama National Guard Headquarters. Note: The Gulf of Mexico has been renamed "Gulf of Alabama," Panama City has been renamed "Alabama City," and an Estimated Date of Completion "EDC" is given as "01 Jan 2020."

This is serious.