Nos Frères Les Français

Ok, so this topic is a sensitive one lately, but I can't hold it in any longer.

I love France. I love the French culture, the French language, the French people, French history and pretty much all things French.

Okay, I said it. Procede with calling me un-American.

Done?

Alright, let me go on. I don't hate America, I don't hate George Bush, I don't hate hamburgers, big cars, using too much cologne, the national anthem, Coke, McDonald's, or anything else Americana. I love those things; however, I also have a great affection for our neighbors across the Atlantic, and I think this recent wave of France-bashing is stupid.

Let me get something clear that Americans seem to miss: there is a difference between governments, their policies, philosophies and practices and the citizens of that country. Everyone out there who voted for Senator Kerry or Ralph Nader can back me up on that.

But Americans don't seem to understand France, their culture or their policies, and when I wear a French soccer jersey or a jacket which has "FRANCE" embroidered on it, my patriotism immediately comes in to question.

So, today I'm going to set the record straight and explain a few things about les Français.

If There Were no France, There'd be no United States

I hear a lot of people saying: "I don't understand why the French hate us, we bailed them out in World War I and II." Ladies and gentlemen, I have news for you, we owed them bigtime.

Way back in the year 1776, a bunch of American radicals got this crazy idea to declare indepence from Britain, which was pretty much the craziest thing anyone had ever tried to do up to that time. See, Britain was this enourmous empire with more ships, guns and soldiers than anyone else in the universe. We were 13 little colonies that, in between fighting the British, all hated each other. So on July 4th, 1776, we declare independence from Britain and do you know what changes? Nothing.

That's right, nothing. The British did not suddenly surrender or say to themselves: "Oh bugger, the Yanks have cut us to the quick and declared indepence, we had best let them go." Uh uh. They just kinda laughed and sent more troops to fight us. Our strategy in the Revolutionary War was: "We don't have to win, we just can't get captured." We spent a lot of time retreating, sorry folks, but it's true.

Well, at Saratoga in New York we won a big victory thanks to the leadership of Benedict Arnold. At this point, France, who had been considering joining the war on our side, said "Oui" to American independence. England (and the Americans) had beat up on France in the French and Indian War and taken a whole mess of territory in the New World from them. France saw this as a chance to get back at England and also help out the Americans who would be handy trading partners.

Benjamin Franklin, who loved the French (who wants to question his patriotism?), had been over in France trying to convince the king to join the war. Meanwhile a navy captain named John Paul Jones was busy raiding the English coast and giving his famous ship, the Bonhomme Richard, a French name.

So, France joins the war, diverts English forces in the West indies to fight them there instead of sending the troops to America, sends a fleet to Yorktown, Virginia, where they fight a British fleet and win. With no help from the sea, British General Cornwallis is surrounded by George Washington and French Generals the Marquis de LaFayette and Comte de Rochambeau who not only wanted to fight the English, but supported the whole "liberty for America" idea too. Corwallis surrendered and basically ensured the victory of the Americans. He actually tried to surrender to the French, but the evil Frenchmen told the British general to surrender to General Washington instead. Washington refused to accept the surrender and told them to surrender to his second-in-command, General Benjamin Lincoln. So take that England.

Also, when France entered the war, they also convinced the Spanish and Dutch to fight the English too. Although those two countries didn't send any troops to America, they harassed the English enough to convince them to end the war and give up the Colonies. Of course, if it hadn't been for France's help, England would have probably caught Washington and hung him, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams and Betsy Ross.

Oh, one more thing. Before the war started, the Founding Fathers were doing a lot of reading. And they weren't reading The Da Vinci Code kids. They were reading... Are you ready? French philosophers like Voltaire and Rousseau. These two guys, French guys, talked all about liberty and opposition tyranny and freedom and natural rights and all those American ideals. So then these guys in America read this stuff (in French, because most of the Founding Fathers actually spoke French), and said: "Wow, we could use some of that!"

And volia. Revolution (by the way, that's a French word). So stop telling yourself that France owes us. Oh, by the way, anyone who lives east of the Mississippi River and not in one of the original thriteen colonies has France to thank because we won that land after the Revolution. By the way, the treaty that gave us that land was the "Treaty of Paris."

Also, if you live west of the Mississippi and east of the Rockies, this thing called the "Louisiana Purchase" got us all that land for the low low price of $15 million. Guess who we bought the land from...

The French Just Do Stuff to Tick us Off

Well, basically, yeah. but think about this.

Your country has existed for a thousand years, more or less, you've been the cultural center of the Western World since the Renaissance (another French word) and your soldiers helped create the world's greatest modern power (that's us). Furthermore, the French Revolution was a direct result of France's involvement with the American Revolution (Democracy in America based on French ideas + Royal debts from fighting England all the time + No rights for normal people = Revolution).

You build the Statue of Liberty and send it as a gift to the United States, you don't support the South in the Civil War (maybe that's why people down here hate the French), and then you lose 5 million people as dead, wounded or missing in the First World War, you get conquered by the German War Machine after being taken completely by surprise, and then lose nearly a million people in World War II.

For the next fifty years all you hear from the U.S. is that France doesn't remember that we saved their butts in World Wars I and II.

And then, we build McDonald's next to the Eiffel Tower, we put nuclear weapons in Europe, we go to their country and we don't speak the language or respect the people ("Don't French people not shower?"). We talk about them being weak and irrelevant.

What did France do to us? They got mad because American soldiers and French mesdemoiselles got along really well. If some French soldier came to America and stole your girlfriend, you'd be ticked too.

See, with a whopping 200 years of experience under our belts, we show up in Europe and start trying to tell the French what to do, how to dress, what to eat, what music to listen to, and most of all, whose foreign policy to follow. That makes the French très fâché because it hits a very important national character trait...

Astérix, Joan of Arc, the Rooster, Marianne and Charles de Gaulle

So this cultural invasion by America has hit the French where it counts: French identity. This is an idea way different than in America. Americans look at being American as a nationality, anyone can be an American, it doesn't matter what culture or nation they come from, we're all Americans because we believe in American ideals and in the great things that make our country what it is. France is a little different.

Being "French" isn't (or hasn't been historically) a nationality, it's been a culture thing. It's almost racial (almost). For centuries the French have mantained their lineage from Charlemange (who was also kinda German, oddly enough), despite everyone's attempt to destroy that.


Astérix is the comic book icon of France. Imagine Garfield, Doonesbury, Peanuts, the Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes all rolled into one, now turn him into a "Gaul," put him in the days of ancient Rome and have him fight Ceasar, and you have Astérix. The movie "Astérix and Obélix Versus Ceasar" is one of the most expensive French movies ever made and also one of the most popular. The big theme park outside Paris isn't Euro-Disney, it's Parc Astérix.

The whole idea is that the Romans have conquered all of France except one tiny villiage, which is guarded by Astérix and his trusty friend Obélix. Astérix has a magic potion that gives him super strength and allows him to trounce the Romans every time. He and his friends are all that stands between France and the Roman conquest.


Joan of Arc was a poor peasant girl born in France during the Hundred Years' War. For almost a centruy, the English had been trying to take over France (which is ironic because the English royalty was basically transplanted French royalty, hence the conflict). Well, when Joan comes along, the dauphin, or crown prince, of France is basically a wuss and the English king is claiming the right to the throne of France. A whole section of France (the Burgundians, where we get our word "burgandy" and beef bourgignion) had joined the English and things weren't looking well.

Well, Joan shows up, slaps the prince (Charles VII) around, defeats the English at Orleans (we have a new one of those here in the U.S.), and has Charles coronated as King of France. Joan is then captured by the English and burned as a witch, but she becomes a symbol of French resistance and eventually (after a hundred years of fighting, actually), the French emerge victorious.

The Gallic Rooster is France's bald eagle. It's the symbol of their soccer team and found in various places around France as a symbol and as a farm animal (for example: Le Coq Sportif brand clothing). The rooster is a proud animal that defends its territory and (according to my French friends) is a great lover (which French men say is the most important quality of the bird). It's a minor symbol nowadays, but an important one to understand the French mentality. FYI: The symbol comes from Roman times, again, where gallus was both the word for rooster and for Gaul, France.


Marriane was first depicted in Eugène Delacroix's painting "Liberty guiding the people," a symbol of the French Revolutions of the 1800's and the various other civil uprisings that have punctuated French history. Since then, Marrianne has become a symbol of the Republic. In the painting, she's holding the flag of France and a rifle, leading French citizens to revolution. The point of Mlle Liberty is that the French people will fight desperately to preserve their rights and freedom. They've executed kings and queens to prove that in the past. Marrianne is yet another symbol of French Resistance to oppression.

Recently the Mayors of France chose Laetitia Casta as the face of Marrianne. They choose a French woman every ten years to be the new Marianne and this time around they've sort of moved from patriotic defender of liberty to national sex symbol, but that's typically French too.

(Check this picture out: Mlle Casta, the new Marianne, meets the Gallic Rooster... So weird... Anyone who says that French fashion photography is weird is right...)

Charles de Gaulle may be the most controversial symbol because he's the most recent and the one who gave many Americans a bad view of France. Yes, he tried to take credit for a lot of things, like liberating Paris in WWII, and yeah, he wasn't very friendly to America after the War, but that was merely a continuation of the French tradition of resistance.

We rag on the French a lot for collapsing quickly under Nazi aggression. I have news for you guys: Everyone collapsed quickly under Nazi aggression. Also, if you've ever been to France and walked around in Paris you will see little plaques all over the place, on buildings, bridges, in train stations, everywhere. They usually read something like this:

"19 August 1944, the Guardian of Peace, Jem Harrix, fell here for the liberation of Paris"

Another one I saw recounted the story of a resistance fighter who fought the Nazis for years but was finaly caught and sent to a concentration camp in Germany. Another one simply stated that during the war, a man who worked for the resistance had been found by the Gestapo and killed. They killed his family too.

In every train station in France you'll find monuments to workers who sabotaged the railways to hurt the Nazi war efforts. The Nazis weren't nice to them when they caught them. I hope Amtrak would risk the same for us.

We don't seem to understand that a lot of these people, during World War II, were not just going along with life as usual. And I hope you understand that for every colaborator there was a partisan resisting the Nazis.

General de Gaulle (who's last name, for any Frenchman, conjures up images of ancient Gaul, the France of Roman days), called all French citizens to resist the Nazis, and when he came to power in post-war France, he set about protecting France from foreign invaders, whether they were the Soviets in tanks or Americans in sneakers and baseball caps.

Understand that a lot of what de Gaulle did, build nuclear weapons, kick American troops out of France, and generally act rather snooty, was meant to ensure that France wouldn't become dependent on another nation for help.

Can you blame them? Sounds a lot like a certain country I live in...

The Problem Now

We think that French people hate us. They don't hate us, they hate our mindset. They want the Internet, McDonald's (although they deny it, any "MacDo" in France is always packed), and Britney Spears (well, probably not, but we should send her there anyway), but they don't want us thinking that we're the only nation in the universe. They think that for years America has done whatever it wants (pretty true) without asking for help or assent from anyone (as regards France, also true).

See, France is not an unimportant country. They have a veto in the Security Council and they use it to their advantage. Their fairly competent military is still small and has a lot of internal bureaucratic problems, their economy isn't as huge as ours, and they aren't as big in area as we are, but they do act smarter than us. This is not going to become an attack on the current administration, but we do need to see that France can make things tough for us, and they do that because they don't want someone to treat their country like a third world nation.

But we do that when we go over to their country wearing American flags, not speaking French (or not having French friends to interpret), talking loudly on the Metro and in cafes, and displaying a general ignorance of their culture. In their minds, that's an encroachment on their national identity, it's insulting who they are.

It's like a foreigner coming to the U.S. not speaking English (and speaking a language that not everyone speaks, like Russian or Thai or Swahili), and refusing to try. Then, this guy goes to public places and speaks that language very loudly and occasionally talks badly about Americans so that those Americans that do understand him become insulted. The this guy wears something insulting the American flag or talks during the national anthem during a ballgame. Those things are insulting to our sense of national identity and we don't want people from other countries attacking our home. We can criticize because it's our country, but we expect outsiders to be courteous. The French are the same way.

I have actually seen people badmouth France in front of French people thinking that they don't speak English. That's just rude, people.

People, Not Politics

The French don't hate Americans. They do disagree with a lot of our policies (Republican and Democrat) and they do think that we act pretty stupid sometimes, but they don't hate Americans. Just like we see French people as romantic, artistic and cultured (or we used to anyway), French people see Americans as creative, spirited and optimistic. We think French people don't bathe, they only eat wine and cheese, and they all hate Americans. French people think that we're all fat, the McDonald's is the height of our cuisine (try convincing a Frenchman that better hamburgers exist, and they won't believe you: all hamburgers are crap), and that we all hate French people.

As you can see, there's misunderstanding on both sides. But French people want to visit the U.S. as much as Americans want to visit France. Or at least they did until we made this country such a hostile place for them. I can't tell you how many French people have asked me about New York, California, the Grand Canyon, Texas, Yellowstone, Miami and a slew of other places.

The French are not a group of rabid American-haters. They are simply very protective of their way of life, very proud of their culture, and wary of nations that try to change those things in an overbearing way.

Listen to some French music (I recommend Louise Attaque, Manu Chao and Daniel Balavoine) and then bring up American music, they'll be much more willing to talk if you prove that you aren't ignorant of their world. Talk about French food (anything chocolate, pâté, frog legs, which are actually pretty good, or edible cream of any sort) and they may even believe you when you say there's such a thing as a good hamburger. Speak a little French, and you'll find that you visit is so much easier, even if all you know how to say is "I'm sorry, I don't speak French, do you speak English?" A little bit goes a long way.

Understand that our coutries are linked together. The American and French Republics were born within 20 years of each other, they sold us half our country, the English language is filled with French influence (like the word "influence"), and our two peoples are very similar: a strong sense of national or cultural identity, belief in independence, and a desire to do what's best for their country.

I recently saw a book in Barnes & Noble, my favorite Pensacola hangout, called "Our Oldest Enemy." It was about how France is actually our oldest national foe and it goes on for pages about how France hates us. These guys are looking at France's politics, not at its people. The French government has opposed American politics a lot over the past 200 years, but so have the Russians, the Germans and even the British. The people of France don't make policy, and they don't want to confuse politics with people. They aren't perfect, of course, there are a lot of French people who hate Americans for political reasons, but the way to change that is not by hating them back.

We shouldn't either. I think a lot of France's political decisions are hypocritical (Unilateral? Us? President Chirac routinely speaks for other NATO nations without asking their opinions, and French troops go to Africa for Slurpees without the UN's approval all the time), and I think that they stand in the way of our national objectives all the time. But we do the same to them.

But the French people, with a little cultural understanding on our part, are really very nice. Speak French to a Frenchman and tell him that you're American, he'll flip out and be so excited he may buy you dinner (true story). American girls, I don't encourage this, but French guys love Américainnes. You're generally not super-skinny, you don't smoke too much, and you're not as "liberated" or snooty as Frenchwomen; those are positives.

So, dear readers, I bet you still hate France and Frenchmen, and you probably hate me too, just for good measure. That's okay. Just remember to separate people from politics and try to understand a people's national mentality before declaring that you hate them. Be willing to joke about McDonald's being crappy food and "Freedom Fries" being rediculous.

Finally, I'd like to combat the idea that "France doesn't even remember how we saved their butts in WWII." This summer in Paris, I saw the crappiest movie ever. It was called L'Américain and it was about this French guy who wants to be American so badly that he and his neighborhood secede from France and declare themselves the fifty-first state. The whole movie is anti-American and making fun of the US. But at one point in the middle of the movie, you see images of American soldiers coming ashore at Normandy and fighting the Nazis to free France. They remember our sacrifice, they could never forget it, their entire country was changed by that war, but they also think that we do a lot of selfish and silly things too.

So, that's that, if you still hate France, that's cool, you're allowed, just stay home in the US and contribute to the stereotype. For the rest of you, I know some great places to eat in Paris and Nice, and if you have an extra plane ticket, you know who to call.