What to Write?

Okay, so there I was, gluing my hands together in a futile attempt to build a model Spitfire that my brother Ben bought me and talking to my good friend and half of the coolest person I know, MattGill, via the ole IM...

Matt loves to write and writes good stuff, and the subject of this blog came up, more or less. He sugested going to msn.com and looking at the headlines there for inspiration. As you may have noticed (all two of you who read this), I've been short on material lately. Boy did he get that one right...

So I decide that I'll just build a model of a crashed Spitfire and leave it in pieces and I navigate my way to the aforementioned msn.com. There's got to be material there; it's been a big news week:


Died: Yasser Arafat, one of the most controversial political figures of the 20th century (and thus maybe ever, because the 20th century is the only one that's had TV and is therefore the most important century yet).


Resigned: Colin Powell and John Ashcroft, notable political figures, one because of his ethnic background, distinguished career and controversial wartime decisions, the other because he's Colin Powell.


Appointed: To be Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, the first minority woman to be appointed to the nation's highest diplomatic post. PS- She also becomes fourth in line to be President if President Bush dies, after Vice President Cheney, the Speaker of the House, and me, I mean, the President Pro Tempore of the Senate. This makes her the first woman in the top five of the Presidential Succession list, ever. Madeline Albright was born in Europe so didn't count.


Killed: A wounded Iraqi insurgent by a U.S. Marine in some city we didn't care about until last week (Falluja- the "h" is optional) during some of the fiercest fighting of the war. Someone on the scene got a video of the incident. You can see the video here, but I warn you, it may be hard to watch, so use your discretion, please.


Also killed: Yet another aid worker by insurgents who have brutally murdered tons of civilians in Iraq with no remorse.

- Side note: Guess which one of these two killers will be held to a higher standard and receive more criticism by the press, the UN and movie stars? I'm not justifying, I'm just asking you to guess.


Convicted: Of first and second degree murder, with special circumstances, in California (!!!), Dean Cain, former Superman on Lois and Clark. He's been using the alias Scott Peterson.


On the air: Janeane Garofalo on the Sean Hannity Show on 16 November, it was actually a really good dialogue, if you missed it, you missed out.

Okay, so my point is, there's been a lot going on lately. So I point my web browser ("point my web browser?" Who says that?) to msn.com (that makes it the third time I've said that so far), and what do I see? What's the big story?

"Nine Ways to Get a Killer Credit Score," "What Your Dreams Mean," and, "Do You Really Need a Real Estate Agent?" You're kidding me. Okay, granted, beneath it in size 4 font is written: "Rice gets nod for Powell post" and intrepid users can click on that to read about the historic nomination of a black woman to the post of Secretary of State, but I really want to find out why I dreamed that I was on the moon naked in my brother's fifth grade English class.

Let's see what they have to say...

Well, it's under the "Astrology" section, so we're off to a good start.... Ok, here's the deal:

"If the dreamer is naked in public, then he fears that some of his deepest secrets will be exposed." Oh, wow! (What if it's a private school?) The astrological paralell for being naked in a dream is (I'm not kidding): Uranus. Oh man, who listens to this crap? Good thing I put off the Yasser Arafat story for this...

So far there's nothing about being on the moon or in my brother's English class... This isn't very helpful.

Well, maybe I can learn something valuable from this anyway.

Hmmmm.... okay, so black can symbolize death, but you never dream your own death. That's good, I guess I should just tell the army of clowns outside my house to just go away...

Check this out: if you dream about your ex-lover, "The ex-lover is thinking about the dreamer intensely, and projecting telepathic messages towards her which she receives in her dreams." Wow. I always knew that chicks were evil, but this is too much. Although the incorrect use of the pronoun "she" may imply that only chicks have this problem. Can I project myself in other people's dreams even if I'm not their ex-lover? If so, tonight Bill Gates is going to dream about giving me 30 million dollars.

Dreaming about the color orange means: "Message from a great Master. Metaphysical or spiritual knowledge." A great Master? So Van Gogh, a Dutchman (the official color of Holland is orange, by the way) and master painter, is telepathically sending me messages in my dreams? This answers all my questions!

Thanks MSN!

Okay, I can't handle this any more. For those of you playing along at home, this page, the "Dream Dictionary," is actually, eight pages, covering topics arranged alphabetically. The article: "U.S. focuses on Mosul as Fallujah battle eases" is just over 1000 words. One thousand words! That's a sixth grade English assignment! Luckily, MSN has included several maps, pictures and "Fact Files" and has put the article in a column (the grown up version of changing the margins) to make it look as though the article is really substantial.

That's ridiculous. There is no reason why interpreting dreams should have eight solid web pages of material. If any of you are confused as to why Americans can't find the Sudan on a map (hint: biggest country in Africa, the continent under Europe), just check out what's important on the Internet.

Oh, by the way, there's a huge humanitarian crisis in the Sudan. But why worry about that when you can learn gym etiquette on msn.com?

So, thanks to Matt, who told me to check out MSN. I'm not sure if this is what he meant, but, it's let me write 1,059 words (more than the MSN article, by the way, and this is way less important). Not too shabby, but for now, I'm gonna see how to get a killer credit score (I bet one of the ways is: "Pay off your credit card bill on time").