All About the Music

Ladies and Gentlemen, rock n’ roll has triumphed. A while back I wrote about the demise of WHFS, the official radio station for tormented youths in the Baltimore/Washington area. The station’s angry rock was replaced by catchy tunes from south of the border, appealing to the nearly half a million Hispanics at either end of Maryland 295.

Well, the man couldn’t keep the angry youths down. My girlfriend, Jamie, who, because she hates me and her life, subscribes to the WHFS newsletter (a remnant of her wild and rebellious days as an angry 10th grader), and received the following e-mail:

Subject: The Legendary HFS returns tonight!

Dear Jamie,

Last Wednesday, January 12th, at 12 noon WHFS signed off the air...

YOU protested, YOU called, and YOU wanted HFS back! Well, someone heard you...

Listen tonight at 7 PM to LIVE 105.7 Baltimore to witness the return of The Legendary HFS. Thank you, because without YOU this never could have happened.

Jamie assures me that she didn’t protest anything, but she’s a closet rocker, so she could be lying. But plenty of people did protest. In fact, no fewer than two on line petitions were circulating the web, making rational appeals to the corporate heads of Infinity Broadcasting to bring back WHFS.

So that we all may bask in the glory of justice served, I have included some of my favorite and most poignant entries from the great WHFS crusade. (By the way, for accuracy’s sake, I’ve left the entries as I found them, except I took out names, just to be kind, but the spelling, punctuation and grammar have been left as-is.)

8932. BRING THIS BAC!! THIS IS MY LIFE AND NOW WHAT ARE WE SOPOSE TO DO INSTEAD OF ROCK OUT?? SALSA!!!??? HELL NO....BRING IT BAC AHORA!!

Bring it Blood Alcohol Content? What? And it was your life? That’s sad, but, as we shall see, a common enough theme. Nice touch with the Spanish in there though.

8925. bring it back..THIS WAS MY LIFE OF RADIO!!

Good call Number 8925, it was my life of radio too…

8914. we need back whfs its my life

These three should meet, they have a lot in common.

8878. The population of Rock/alternative fans is higher than the people that listen to SALSA!!

Should I tell him that the entire southern half of the Western Hemisphere loves salsa? And so do I. Oh, and it’s popular in Europe too. Actually, I think the whole world loves salsa music, that is, not including cranky teenagers in Washington, DC.

8876. although i wasnt into a lot of that stuff any more because im not in to main stream stuff really any more HFS was what got me in to rock 4 years ago. that got me started on bass guitar and also im in a band now. i owe HFS for everything i am today

I hope he doesn’t owe HFS for his writing ability.

8869. its not spanishland!

Good call. For those of you who aren’t geographically inclined, I’ve included a map of Spanishland to illustrate her point.

Spanishland, Political

8849. bring it back. who cares about the spanish people

Jesus does. And their mothers. And Infinity Broadcasting. Way to be ignorant, by the way.

8905. change back..... el zol should go back to mexico where it belongs

8820. id love to se how many illegal immagrants listen to el sol

8817. Do we need another spanish station? NO. This is America our language is english not spanish. Bring back HFS NOW!!!

8673. We don't live in Mexico

I’m debating whether to actually write anything in response to these guys, or just let it go. I particularly like how 8817 points out that our language is English, but doesn’t bother to capitalize “English” or “Spanish.” Way to go native son.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the US doesn’t have an official language.

8775. MAN BRING THAT SHIZNIT BACK I NEED IT TO SURVIVE

He’s mad, and cussing (sorta); if I were a radio executive, how could I let this kid die and ignore his impassioned pleas?

8716. come to this country. learn the [expletive deleted] language! why should we have to change our favorite [expletive deleted] stations to suit people to [expletive deleted] lazy to learn the language!

The grammar mistakes and the misspelling of “too” make this one particularly enjoyable.

44. BRING IT BACK PLEASE I feel like i have lost a part of me it was that best station in the world and i listened to it every day!!! so please bring it back

I think he’s talking about his brain. Or his musical taste.

38. BRING IT BACK!!!! I CANT UNDERSTAND THIS FREAKIND SPANISH GIBERISH!!!!!!

“Freakind?”

65. bomb spain

See, that won’t help, because, as 8869 clearly argued, the problem is Spanishland, not Spain.

152. i hate mexicans

134. i hate mexicans

This is same guy twice. This petition just lost all its credibility in my eyes.

140. HFS IS AWESOME.. [Expletive deleted] HISPANIC PEOPLE CHANGING THE STATIONG...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... BBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG IIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

This rage was actually caused by listening to WHFS for too long. Can’t you just feel his agony? This one speaks to me.

192. Â

I couldn’t agree more. Â.

2559. We live in America, we are Americans, we listen to AMERICAN music

This is American music. Central American music.

2522. Screw all those [racial slur deleted] if they want mexican music the can jump or swim over the border back home and get it. Don't take away my hfs.

Yeah, and if you wanna hear Avril Lavigne, go back to Canada. Freakin’ Canadian [racial slur deleted].

Go back to Canada with your Canadian gibberish!!!

12489. i cant possibly wear a skimpy bikini and bring my bong to the dc 101 chilli cookout

This one is actually a pretty good argument.

19082. f mexians....bring back 911

Bring back 911? Did it go away? You mean Mexico is trying to get rid of our emergency response system? This is serious! It starts with 911 and then they’ll move to Information and then to 311 and we won’t hear “Amber is the color of your energy” any more….

24703. wow..i truly hate spanish people..they're fat

Yeah they are. Especially that evil Sergeant Garcia who was always trying to stop Zorro back in the day.

Sergeant Garcia, the enemy of modern rock.

Of course, like most things on the Internet, the petitions started to get out of control. And like most things on the Internet, this petition turned into an impromptu chat room, wherein ignorant teenage miscreants fought with well-meaning teenage miscreants for intellectual dominance. Now, from the opposition: two of my favorite rebuttals.

8740. Get a [expletive deleted] life the reason WHFS got knocked off the air was because they created their own bad ratings with a crappy schedule, and overly contrived playlists. The HFStival is merely tours conjoining, HFS just put their name on it, so therefore it really didn't mean squat that they had one. Did you know 98 rock has one too? Oh yea, Good Charlotte is a bunch of sucktards, its idiots like their record label who like to enable terrible music. The only good thing that HFS had, consistantly, was Love Line. Yet, even that was bought to play on their station. Also, radio has no cultural impact anymore. If you feel culturally whole because of WHFS, then you are one of the most empty people in the world.

The best part is when he calls Good Charlotte a bunch of “sucktards.” It’s so true.

8752. Don't be ignorant I don't appreciate the culturally insensitive comments being made in this petition. The majority of hispanics in our area AREN'T FROM MEXICO, they are from Central America and if you had taken some time to read about this change you would have been aware of that. Just because you all speak English doesn't mean you are from England. In addition, Inifinity Radio has been changing poor performing "alternative" stations to Spanish language stations nationwide. Don't feel singled out, it is both a wise business move and a blessing for the burgeoning Hispanic population in our country. Rock is on a decline, but let's look at this as a positive thing, so it can get back to its ROOTS (its about the music) rather than stay what it has become (Good Charlotte and packaged corporate rock).

Another blast at Good Charlotte, I love it. It’s because they suck.

Despite the glaring ignorance of many of people who signed, the complaints and prayers to the ghost of Kurt Cobain were answered and now WHFS is back on the air, this time out of Baltimore on 105.7, which true Marylanders will remember as the old frequency for WQSR.

But the angry teens who sport Che Guevara shirts without knowing who he is have triumphed over Che’s very culture. Well, not really, El Zol is still on the air, and so is WQSR (on 102.7), but it was at least a moral victory for rock and roll. Of course, Infinity owns 105.7 too, and the station had been struggling since WQSR went to 102.7. So now Inifity has a Hispanic station on 99.1 and WHFS is back on 105.7.

Should I tell the alternative rock community that they’ve been played by corporate bigwigs or just let sleeping dogs lie?

At least this time, it’s all about the music.